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7 Tips by Sadhviji for a Successful Relationship

Written in a beautiful, simple and conversational style, Come Home to Yourself by Sadhviji covers the most pertinent issues affecting all of us-how to discover inner peace, find love, let go of anger, know your purpose, and connect with God, regardless of your religion. Born and educated in the US, Sadhviji has a PhD in psychology. She came to India approximately twenty-five years ago and has since lived at the Parmarth Niketan Ashram in Rishikesh, on the banks of the Ganga.

This book emerged from the satsangs held each evening after the sacred Ganga aarti at the Ashram, and will resonate deeply with everyone, whether you are old or young, rich or poor, religious or not, traditional or modern. It will touch you deeply, awaken your spirituality and connect you to your true self, allowing you to become the best version you can be.

Here are some helpful tips from the book to have more meaningful relationships!

“In our relationships, in order for me to give myself fully to you, I have to expect that you’re not going to hurt me. If I’m going to give you my heart and love you with all that I am and all that I have, I have to expect that you’re not going to take a knife and stab it in my heart.I have to expect that you’re going to take my love as the precious gift that it is, and not stomp on it.”

“If we look carefully at what hurts us, it always has to do with an expectation we had of how someone was going to behave. Sometimes it’s a small thing, such as remembering a birthday; sometimes it’s a big thing, such as not being left alone or betrayed. For love to be a path to spiritual awakening and true peace, we have to recognize that the love we experience is its own reward.”

“Love comes with no guarantees. Just because I love you, it isn’t guaranteed that you’ll love me back, bring me flowers or make choices in your life that I want you to make. If the focus of my love is making you dance to my tune, today or tomorrow I’m going to get hurt. Or, alternatively, you’ll just become my slave and I’ll squeeze the life out of you. Many of us do that unconsciously— we pressure and nag the people around us in such a way that they just give up.”

“If all you wanted was someone who will do your bidding, there was no point seeking a relationship in the first place. You don’t want to live with a servile person either. That’s not how you want your love to be. Love has to be alive. And if love is alive, then you have free will.”

“So your focus needs to be on love as its own reward, and not on how you can manipulate or convince or badger your beloved to do what you want. The love itself is what feeds you.”

“Unfortunately, we’ve filled up our relationships with a lot of baggage. When we move out of the experience of love into the everyday logistics of life—who is going to wash the dishes, go grocery shopping, change diapers, scrub the toilet—that is where we lose harmony and think we are falling out of love.”

“The only way to have harmony in relationships is to stop expecting the other to behave in a certain way, speak in a certain way and be a certain way in order to fill our holes, and to be fully aware that the love that we feel is generated within us. The beloved is a divine vehicle, the one who has catalysed it, but if they start acting in a way that we don’t anticipate, it’s not their fault that we are no longer able to access that place of love within ourselves.”

“It is our commitment, our attachment to being right that keeps us from being happy. We can be right or we can be peaceful. We have to make that decision in our relationships. In every situation,when we run into conflict, we really have to ask ourselves: in this moment, is being right more important to me than maintaining peace? Am I prepared to relinquish my attachment to proving I’m right in exchange for peace?”


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