Too often, our minds trap us in past experiences, shaping how we perceive the present. This excerpt from Anchor Withinexplores how finding inner stability can help break free from the assumption trap and see reality as it truly is.
Anchor Within
Leena Gupta
When we cannot tame our restless mind, it can spin us out of reality and into the assumption trap, where we may perceive our situations through the lenses of past experiences of hurt and prior conditioning and biases. When we go through an uncomfortable situation, our mind replays episodes where we had similar experiences
and feelings. When our mind senses danger or something unfamiliar, it aims to protect us by clinging to what seems known, safe and recognizable. Stuck and wrapped up in our stories from the past, we lose our ability to see things clearly and as they are. The danger is that this may distort reality by making us superimpose our past impressions on to the present moment. We may react impulsively based on past patterns instead of responding mindfully, jeopardizing our relationships
and sabotaging possible opportunities.
For example, it is fascinating to see how different personality types from my extended family and friends make assumptions based on their mental wiring and conditioning. In the family reunion I describe below, each person I mention gets stuck in the assumption trap based on their personality type and has their own perception of reality. We can see how their crafty mind, tries to seduce them to stay stuck and safe rather than face their reality. I have mentioned seven personality types in the family, but there are so many more that we encounter in our lives including, blamer, martyr, saviour, people-pleaser, narcissist, gas lighter and defender.
If there were ever a perfect family reunion, then this was it. Uncle Sammy was in his element as he bowed, removed an imaginary top hat and said, ‘We’ve been waiting so long for this reunion. Let’s get this party started!’ We were at my Aunt Ayesha’s home in Cresskill, a posh locality in New Jersey where each custom-built house features a manicured garden. In no time, we were all jiving to the retro Bollywood music of the 1970s and 1980s, while catching up on our lives in her regal living room. I noticed how she had decorated the whole house with fragrant, exotic floral arrangements and scented candles to soothe our senses. ‘OMG, Aunty Ayesha! What a lovely ambiance you have created! I can feel the love you’ve put into all the details to make this an event to remember,’ I said.
Her courteous, uniformed staff served us beautifully crafted, savoury hors d’oeuvres. My aunt had planned a delicious menu for us with all of our favourite dishes. We could not have imagined a more comfortable and happy setting to be in. Soon, everyone eased up and dropped the formalities with which they had arrived. After several rounds of appetizers, lots of banter and swaying to Bollywood tunes, we sauntered to the long, perfectly decorated twenty-seater dining table. The fun and jokes started, and at one point, my usually meticulous father spilled the yellow masala curry all over his side of the table, unable to contain himself with laughter.
Everyone seemed to be high on life, and everything seemed perfectly orchestrated that evening. However, around 2 a.m., the laughter started to wane as infectious yawns began creeping into the room. My nineteen-year-old cousin Aryan started snoring on the sofa, unknowingly signalling to us that the party was over. Happily picking up their paraphernalia, each guest got up to begin the process of saying goodbye.
It took a while. It was a curious process, with conversations shifting to the next goalpost: the main door. Oddly, the chatter continued, and everyone merely inched in the direction of the main door. Eventually, most of us made our way out, but as soon as Dad stepped out, we heard an abrupt and very loud bang of the door. It was the kind of sound that sends shivers up your spine and freezes your whole being. We were stunned. Nobody moved. Everyone seemed to be playing the game statue! Startled and motionless, everyone stared at each other. I could see from their expressions that they all had a story starting to spin in their heads. It was not pretty.
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