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A chat with Shubha Vilas on all things friendship!

Friendships and companionship have proven to be crucial human bonds, even more so in these socially-distant times. We had a chat with Shubha Vilas, motivational speaker and author of The Magic of Friendships – about friends, friendships and maintaining human bonds in these times.

 

Do you feel friendships have acquired a new and deeper meaning in these times?

Was there a time when friendship was not important? But yes, you could say today it is more important than ever because of nuclear families and working parents. Friends have replaced family too. Friendship is the single most relationship that has the potential to make you or break you.

The Magic of Friendships || Shubha Vilas

 

As the world has become more virtual and relatively more isolated in the pandemic, how can we maintain and strengthen our friendships today?

The virtual world is an important tool in forming and maintaining friendships. If used judiciously. Imagine your friends are accessible at all times? Isn’t that a boon? We may be physically isolated, but together in consciousness.

Principles of friendship are the same in every era. What changes is the context. You can pick any friendship story from any yuga…any century…any country…any culture…the principles will never change. Friendship as a concept is eternal.

 

What does it mean to be a ‘good’ friend?

You are a good friend if you can – appreciate the good in others, encourage their potential, respect the differences, tolerate the unchangeable and forgive their mistakes.

 

Social media is a lot about numbers, but it has also helped us stay connected with the world in these times. What would you say the impact of the digital age has been on friendships and companionship?

The digital age has redefined friendship! Now even though I may not know a person, I can end up being friends on social platforms! Therefore, in my book I mention levels of friendship. Not all friends are in the same category. Some are circumstantial, some are dear while some are soulmates.

 

What prompted you to write The Magic of Friendshipsand what kind of research went behind writing it?

All my books involve a lot of research because I dabble in non-fiction. The USP of my books is the scriptural connect with contemporary life. That’s the focus of my research.

And why a book on friendship? Because I love people…I love making, keeping and understanding friends – and I thought why not share my insights with the world? There’s nothing more important in life than relationships. And no other relationship as important as friendship. Friendship is the crown of all relationships. Friendship for me personally is what makes life special.

 

Is making friends easier than maintaining friendships while growing up?

Although it may seem to be easier, it is not really true. Growing up years are full of turmoil and confusion. Kids and teenagers grapple with self-image, self-confidence, identity crisis, bullies, living up to expectations…making friends can become a complex phenomenon. Of course, adults have their own set of challenges. But whichever generation you belong to, friends make life worth living.

 

Did you have a target reader in mind while writing The Magic of Friendships?

Yes actually I did. This time I wanted to focus only on young adults. But given a universal theme like friendship which crosses all barriers, this book appeals to all those who consider friendship to be important.

 

As concepts, do friendship and companionship always go hand-in-hand?

As concepts, friendship and companionship are probably merging into each other. Society is changing rapidly and in a world which is a global village today, the distinction between friend and companion is obsolete. Friends are companions and companions are friends. There is no divide.

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Quality vs quantity

Do you have numerous friends on social media, but hardly any in real life?
Do you find that your relationships don’t last?

Sustaining quality friendships and bonds have become even more important in today’s times. The warmth and companionship that a good friend can provide is unmatched.

In The Magic of Friendships, Shubha Vilas discusses, in a simple and straight-forward manner, what is missing in our friendships today and the various scenarios that prevent people from making and maintaining good friends. Find an excerpt below that explores the need for quality and strength of the friendship over the number of friends.

 

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Friendships Should Bring Joy

Blood relationships are formed when you share DNA, the substance of the body. Friendship is formed when you share the substance of the mind.

Most people today form friendships due to circumstances. These are called ‘circumstantial friendships’. Though some of them may end up becoming genuinely deep bonds, usually, they do not cross the first level of friendship. Now you may think, ‘What is Level 1 of friendship? How many levels does friendship have?’ Let me introduce you to the various levels of friendship before we take this conversation ahead. I will start with an example. Kamla was a smart and talented girl. It was no wonder she was popular in college. She also knew what made people happy: a little bit of kindness and a few words of appreciation. She used these generously in her dealings with everyone, and people were drawn towards her. Her life was busy, what with so many invitations and so many friends wanting her company all the time. She was always surrounded by people. Life felt like it could not have been better or happier for Kamla.

 

The Magic of Friendships || Shubha Vilas

One day, she woke very excited: they were celebrating Friendship Day in college. She had given a lot of thought to the matter of whom she wanted to give gifts to. She had many friends to choose from and she didn’t want anyone to feel left out. But she couldn’t possibly give gifts to each and every friend she had! So she finally settled on two people she had recently befriended. Of course, she was as excited about receiving gifts as she was about giving them. However, she was not prepared for what happened next.

She sought out both her friends, as she had planned, and gave them their gifts. They laughed and smiled as they chatted, but they did not give anything to her. She waited all day for gifts to come her way. She had imagined friends falling all over her, showering gifts on her. But nothing like that happened. In fact, she was the only girl in class who did not receive a single gift! She was in such shock that she went home in tears. How was it that a girl who was the life of every party did not receive a single present? Did she not smile and hug her friends often enough? Did she not call them regularly to chat with them? Did she not attend their parties when they invited her? All this and yet, no one thought of her as a friend? It was too much for her to bear.

Her family consoled her, but her mother pointed out that perhaps, in her effort to be a friend to everyone, she had not been a true friend to anyone; in an attempt to win a large number of friends, she had undermined the importance of building quality friendships. Kamla understood her mother’s words, but what could she do now?

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Which of your friends are you remembering today? Do drop them a (virtual) hug in the comments below!

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