Samah Visaria is the author of Familiar Strangers and Encounters of a Fat Bride. Though a marketing professional by qualification, she is storyteller by passion and is a keen enthusiast of fashion, food, and films, and wants to trot around the world!
In her new book, Familiar Strangers, the fundamental question she asks is: what if your husband’s ex-girlfriend makes a sudden comeback into your lives? The story revolves around Priya and Chirag, who are like several other modern couples, living life at breakneck speed, unknowingly stuck in the rut of a marriage that is obviously dying, if not already dead. Things start to change when Priya’s position in Chirag’s life is threatened by his past when they least expect it.
In this special piece written by Samah, she talks about the six fundas that make her happier in her relationship.
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No one can tell you the secret to a perfect relationship. It’s something you have to devise on your own. Just as our fingerprints are unique, so are our relationships. As we grow, our relationships grow too, and whether people come closer or fall apart depends on which direction they steer the relationship to. While, I don’t believe in a one-fits-all formula for relationships, here are some fundas that help me feel happier and more secure in my relationship, and maybe they could work for you too.
1). Sharing a laugh – My most favourite emotion to share with my partner on a daily basis is laughter. Something about sharing a laugh with my partner makes me feel closer to him. Humour helps me deal with difficulties, grief and monotony in real-life situations, even if it is brought on by something fictional. So go ahead, tell your partner the stupid joke that your colleague cracked at lunch. Tell him how your boss repeatedly referred to Muscat as a country in the board meeting and nobody had the guts to correct him. That book full of potential jokes you have… which you developed when you wanted to make it as a stand-up comedian. Make your girlfriend read it. Enact the jokes, do the accents, be stupid. When you count your blessings, count your laughs twice.
2). Travelling – I love wandering about in a new place with my partner. To know just one person in an unknown place brings about a unique dependency, an unspoken intimacy between two people. The thrill of discovering new cultures and cuisines is best experienced with someone you love. It is the perfect blend of the familiar with the unfamiliar. When my husband and I are not taking a trip, we’re planning one.
3). Developing a hobby – While maintaining an individual hobby is mandatory for a balanced and complete lifestyle, nurturing a joint hobby could work wonders for two people who want to communicate better and spend more time together. It may not be easy to arrive at something of common interest but you could try out each other’s interests turn by turn. I personally love taking dance classes with my husband. He used to be a non-dancer before we met and now he’s the centre of attention at every party. Keep in mind that a hobby must be something in which you both have active participation, not passive. It must involve the body and the mind, like playing a sport or learning to play an instrument or cooking. So unfortunately, watching Netflix together doesn’t count.
4). Raising a pet – I can barely imagine not being mommy to my year-old kitten (is she a cat now?), Billy, who has swiftly converted us into a family. Having a pet definitely adds to expenditure and responsibility but if you can afford both it is a beautiful experience that can bring you closer to your partner and teach you to take decisions together. It could also be a step towards parenthood if that’s what you have in mind for the near future.
5). Talking – Do one thing. Log out of the app you’re using on your phone. It’s okay, your sister’s ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend’s Facebook post will still be there tomorrow morning. You don’t need to read it right this minute. Now put your phones on you bedside tables, both of you. In fact, put them in your bedside drawers. Switch the TV off. Lie down if that’s more comfortable. Shut the lights maybe. Talk.
6). Knowing your worth – If you give your relationship your best, not the ‘best’ of ‘I’ll try my best to be there’. If you give it your real best where you think you couldn’t do any better, if you are honest, happy and hard-working then you have nothing to worry about. Don’t doubt without reason. Trust the choice your partner made by choosing you. If you suspect something not right refer to point number five.
Tell us how many do you relate to?
